


Voltron

by MoonFlare427



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), By like two years, Cuban Lance (Voltron), F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, First fanfic don't hate, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Matt (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), I will stick foreign languages in this no matter what my friend says, It's not porn its Japanese culture, Keith Junior is a mouse, Keith hates mice, Keith is a cat, Keith is scared of mice, Keith is so short, Keith you’re nineteen, Klance is life klance is love, Lance is so freaking drunk, Lance loves mice, Lance you’re only nineteen too, M/M, Matt is a memelord, Modern AU, Pan Hunk (Voltron), Pidge hacked the FBI, Pidge is ace, Pidge watched Hentai, Shay's a human in this, Stop going to keith’s bar to get drunk, Their older in this, Who let the pidgeon watch tangled?, and also i wrote for Pidge and Keith and most of Lance and Hunk, broganes, i just helped with word choice, my friend is such a better writer, oh my goodness, she just doesnt have an account, she wrote most of it, you aren’t allowed to be a bartender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-01-22 00:33:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12469516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonFlare427/pseuds/MoonFlare427
Summary: This happened





	1. The Jumpscare

**Author's Note:**

> yeah please don't judge first fanfic.  
> Worked with some others, but they don't have accounts

The kiss was intoxicating. Matt was on Shiro’s lap, Shiro pulling him closer. No one was home and moments like this were pure bliss. Suddenly, Shiro heard a key turn in the lock. Matt didn’t seem to notice as the door creaked open. Shiro dove back into the kiss, ignoring whoever just came in. If Matt didn’t care, then neither did he.   
“Guys! There are innocents in the vicinity! I live here too, stop making out in my apartment!” Pidge covered her eyes when she caught sight of the pair. “Well, at least you broke in the bed,” she said with a mischievous grin.  
Lance casually walked into the apartment, swinging an earbud around on his pointer finger while one was in his ear. “Wonderful, Pidge, you walked in on them having a lovely time together.” He said, a little too loud since his music was loud enough that the rest of them could hear it.  
Matt rolled off of Shiro with a scowl. “I know for a fact that you have seen too much porn to qualify as innocent.”  
“Excuse you, who says I watch that? I wouldn’t be surprised if one of you two did.” Lance replied, wiggling a finger at the two.   
“And what do you mean, I watch porn? That’s not porn, it’s hentai. It’s a part of Japan’s culture! It’s,” she paused for a moment, arching her eyebrows, “enriching.”   
Lance simply shrugged. “Whatever you say.”   
“Ok, can we stop talking about who may or may not watch porn. And just for the record, we don’t” Shiro said, pulling himself onto the edge of the bed. “What we should be talking about is how Lance is surviving with Keith on vacation.”  
“I’m surviving terribly, thanks for reminding me.” Lance replied. Matt stood up and pulled his boyfriend up with him.  
“Speaking of Keith being on vacation. Shiro, that means that your place is empty. The perfect place to pick up where we left off.” They kissed and moved towards the door. Lance made a gross face at that.   
“Oh no, no, no. I need to keep an eye on you two. What if you don’t use protection?”   
“Wow, my baby sister doesn’t trust us, babe.” Matt joked. Pidge followed the pair as they walked out the door, and Lance followed them out. Shiro and Keith lived on the top floor of their apartment building, Lance and Hunk on the fourth floor and Matt and Pidge on the second floor.   
Pidge trailed them all the way up to Shiro and Keith’s apartment, not caring that they knew she was there. Shiro unlocked the door and lead the way into his apartment.   
The apartment was ridiculously neat due to Shiro’s responsible nature and Keith’s lack of belongings. A knife sticking out of a target on the wall and a red blanket draped over the back of the couch were the only signs that someone else lived there. Shiro and Matt walked into Shiro’s room and sat on his bed. They shared a knowing glance and started kissing. Pidge closed the door, leaving only a crack open so she could watch. Her OTP was finally a thing.  
“She’s not leaving.” Shiro murmured in Matt’s ear.   
Matt whispered back. “Then let’s kick it up a notch.” Matt unzipped Shiro’s jacket and pulled it off. Matt kissed Shiro’s neck and pulled off Shiro’s shirt. Shiro picked up on what he was doing and took control. Matt’s shirt was off before he could blink. It was all Matt could do to stay calm and enjoy the sensation. Shiro was strong, but gentle and Matt wondered how he had gotten so lucky.  
Pidge was currently fangirling over her success in getting her brother and Shiro together. She was ecstatic.   
Matt completely lost his train of thought when Shiro started kissing his neck. He pulled off his pants and started fumbling with Shiro’s belt. Suddenly, he pulled away, leaving Matt 90% naked and confused as fuck.  
“Babe, you know that I’d love to, but your sister is still watching us.” They both stared at the door, still slightly ajar.   
Pidge giggled and walked away from the door. She’d had enough of spying on her brother, so she closed the door behind her and walked out of the apartment, making sure that the door was locked.   
Matt and Shiro watched her go. As soon as they heard the key turn in the lock, all other thoughts had completely vanished. They fell back in with another kiss and Shiro undid his belt. Very little remained between them and euphoria.  
Pidge found her way to Hunk and Lance’s apartment, knowing they would let her bother them. They also had all of the good movies, and a working DVD player that wasn’t too crappy. Once she found her way to the door, she took out the key they didn’t know she had, and opened the door.  
Lance was in his apartment, laying on the couch and taking up most of the space. Hunk was in the kitchen, making some sort of food, it would most likely taste delicious.   
Pidge threw open the door, and it banged into the wall. “GUESS WHAT’S UP MOTHER FUCKERS!” She screamed at the top of her lungs, likely disturbing the neighbors, but hey, who cared? Well, they did, but Pidge most certainly did not, and she knew exactly how to get the noise complaints stricken off the record.  
Lance jumped. “Pidge!”  
Pidge smiled and did a sloppy salute. “Reporting for duty asshat!” She smiled at the bewildered look on Lance’s face. “Anyways, I DECLARE A MOVIE NIGHT!!”   
Lance shrugged, “Ok, but on one condition!”  
Pidge raised her eyebrows. “And what condition would that be?” she said with a mischievous grin.  
“You will stop yelling and cursing,” Lance replied. Pidge’s smirk grew.  
“If you look under Section five, Clause six of the document of Pidgeness, that classifies as two conditions. However, I’ll humor you and stop yelling. I’m still gonna curse though. Oh, by the way, if you call my brother or Shiro, I will kill you. I have worked extremely hard for this moment, and if you ruin it, I swear to God I will sue you for all you have.” Her tone was deadly serious, and her grin disappeared  
Lance raised an eyebrow. “What are they doing that I can’t call them?”  
Pidge’s smirk returned full force. “Oh my poor, poor naive friend. They are, how you say, rolling in the hay. Sword fighting. Banana in a fruit salad. Boning. Getting busy.”  
Lance made a face. “Really, Pidge. You don’t need to make it be that descriptive.”   
“Oh but I did,” she replied, raising an eyebrow. “Now let’s watch that movie!”  
Shiro lay in his bed, Matt snoring peacefully on top of him. The sun had set a couple of hours ago and Keith wasn’t due back until tomorrow. No reason to ruin a perfect moment for something as weak as being able to feel his left arm. Matt was currently using it as a pillow. He relaxed and let sleep take him.  
Keith opened the door to the apartment he shared with Shiro and stepped into the living room. He had driven all day to get back from New Mexico, and he was exhausted. He had brought his luggage in with him, which, let’s be honest, he had taken like, one shirt and fifteen knives. He hadn’t wanted to leave his children behind, even for a few days. Before he went to his room, however, he had to check on Shiro. He wasn’t supposed to be home until tomorrow anyway. He quietly opened the door to Shiro’s room, only to see a sight he hadn’t expected at all.  
Shiro woke up to the sound of a key in the lock. He tried to fall back asleep, but the sound of footsteps gradually growing louder told him something was wrong. He carefully switched his left arm out with a pillow for Matt. Matt shifted a little, but rolled back over and fell asleep. The door slowly opened and Keith stuck his head in. Shiro relaxed a little and then remembered who he was with.  
Keith just stood there, shocked. For a few seconds, his brain just wouldn’t work. Then the realization of what was happening hit him.   
“I’m, uh… I-I’m gonna g-go to La-” he gulped, “ uh Lance’s apartment… cause I ummm, I haven't seen him recently,” his voice cracked and he flinched, “ and yeah, so see ya.” He slammed the door shut and ran out of the apartment, breathing heavily.  
Shiro realized how bad this must look. He and Matt were both laying in the same bed, completely naked. Shiro’s hair was rumpled and the light of the outside hallway always seemed to bring out the worst in you. Keith had just stuttered something about going to see Lance before running out. Matt raised his head at the sound of the door slamming.  
“Was that Keith?” He asked blearily. Shiro let out a sigh.  
“Yes, it was Keith. So I’m definitely going to get an earful tomorrow.” Matt pulled him back down onto the bed.  
“Well, let’s deal with it tomorrow then.” Matt whispered in Shiro’s ear. Matt kissed Shiro's neck and they started cuddling. They fell back asleep in a tight embrace.  
Keith was in a dazed shock. His breaths were sharp and shallow, and he wasn’t getting enough air in. He could barely walk straight, and he couldn’t the numbers on the apartment doors as he ran past. His vision was blurring with unshed tears as he rushed down to Lance’s apartment. He started coughing, forcing what little air he could get in out, and soon he was doubled over, not able to breathe, tears running down his face as he hacked up a lung.   
As soon as he had recovered enough to stand up, he looked around to see where he was. Somehow he had gotten to Lance’s floor without realizing he had been walking down stairs. He wearily looked around for Lance’s apartment number, still breathing shallowly and coughing, tears streaming down his face. Once he located the apartment, he knocked, hoping that someone was awake. He knocked a few more times before deciding that no one was there, and he turned to leave. Suddenly the door opened, and he turned around and caught sight of Lance, wearing a pair of fuzzy blue lion slippers and a pair of navy blue pajamas.   
Lance immediately noticed that Keith was crying, and a confused look came over his face.   
“Babe? What’s wrong?”  
Keith immediately started crying more, surprising the man in pajamas, who rushed forward and hugged the shorter man, picking him up and carrying him into the apartment.


	2. Hey Motherfuckers!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heyo.   
> Names are:  
> TheAmazingAce: Pidge  
> Hunkolulu: Hunk  
> BiTheOcean: Lance  
> Shirogone: Shiro  
> Memelord: Matt  
> KamikazeSamurai: Keith  
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wont be posting this frequently, we just had it done.

TheAmazingAce created a new chat room titled: Hey, Motherfuckers!  
TheAmazingAce added: Shirogone  
TheAmazingAce added: Memelord  
TheAmazingAce added: BiTheOcean  
TheAmazingAce added: KamikazeSamurai  
TheAmazingAce added: Hunkolulu  
TheAmazingAce: Hello motherfuckers, one and all  
BiTheOcean: Oh dear Lord  
TheAmazingAce banned a word  
TheAmazingAce: the only god is pidge   
Shirogone: This could go bad real fast  
BiTheOcean’s post was banned  
BiTheOcean: oh god help us   
TheAmazingAce banned a word  
TheAmazingAce: no loopholes on the pidge godliness  
Memelord’s post was banned  
Memelord: Wait, does that make me a deity too?   
KamikazeSamurai: pidge why did u do this   
TheAmazingAce: the deity of sucking dick, yes  
Memelord: Wow  
TheAmazingAce: because this was created to… uh   
BiTheOcean: keith pls make ur name keef  
KamikazeSamurai: nuuuuuu  
TheAmazingAce changed KamikazeSamurai’s name to Keef  
TheAmazingAce: haha  
Shirogone: Stop torturing Keith, guys.  
TheAmazingAce: no its funny  
Keef changed their name to KamikazeSamurai  
TheAmazingAce changed KamikazeSamurai’s name to Keef  
Shirogone: Just pick one!  
TheAmazingAce locked Keef’s name as Keef  
Keef: why   
Keef: good bye cruel world   
Keef left the chat room  
TheAmazingAce added: Keef  
TheAmazingAce: no escape  
Hunkolulu: Can I escape?  
TheAmazingAce: no  
Memelord: Wow, my sis is savage as fuck  
TheAmazingAce: wait   
TheAmazingAce: MATT  
Memelord: What?  
TheAmazingAce: u didnt change ur username   
TheAmazingAce: How could you?   
TheAmazingAce: you have betrayed shiro’s trust  
TheAmazingAce changed Memelord’s name to Shiro’s Bitch  
TheAmazingAce locked Shiro’s Bitch’s name as Shiro’s Bitch  
Shiro’s Bitch: wait   
Shiro’s Bitch: PIDGE  
Shirogone: Seems about right  
Shiro’s Bitch: How did you type that in so fast  
Shiro’s Bitch: SHIRO   
Shiro’s Bitch: you are not allowed to agree  
Shirogone: That’s not what you said last night  
BiTheOcean: ooooooooooooo  
Keef: I forgot about that   
Keef: we still have to talk about that shiro  
Shirogone: not in the group chat please  
Keef: Fine  
Shiro’s Bitch: Just tell him  
Shiro’s Bitch: It’ll entertain the rest of us  
Shirogone: You do know this involves you too right  
Hunkolulu: Do we really have to do this  
BiTheOcean: nope  
BiTheOcean: Keith was crying   
BiTheOcean: he never cries in front of other people  
BiTheOcean: we talk now  
Shiro’s Bitch: Agreed  
TheAmazingAce: he actually was  
TheAmazingAce: he made me want to comfort him  
TheAmazingAce: not even matt can do that  
Shirogone: WHAT HAVE I DONE?!  
Shiro’s Bitch: You fucked me  
Shirogone: Not helping Matt  
Keef left the chat room  
BiTheOcean: Mentally scarred my boyfriend  
TheAmazingAce: shiro you ruined him  
TheAmazingAce added Keef to the chat room  
Keef: i was not crying  
Shirogone: and we weren’t even doing anything  
Keef: YOU WERE BREAKING MY TRUST   
Shirogone: How did I break your trust? It was my boyfriend.  
Keef: you could have at least told me  
BiTheOcean: SHIRO YOU MADE HIM CRY AGAIN  
BiTheOcean: I swear upon the heavens above you are dead  
Shiro’s Bitch: I am so glad that these apartments have solid locks  
Shirogone: Also, Keith, you were on vacation. We didn’t expect you back until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest.  
Shirogone: I would have told you if I had thought that it would have affected you.  
Hunkolulu: Keith isn’t on his phone, He’s too busy getting burrito wrapped by Pidge and I  
Shirogone: Then who’s pounding on our door?  
Shiro’s Bitch: I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that it’s Lance  
Shirogone: Oh shit


	3. Spanish rants and blackmail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh god  
> Lance is coming  
> ~ chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> never said, but leo is sharing this with me, as well as matt.  
> no not voltron matt

Shiro and Matt put their phones down and watched the door in horror. Soon the pounding died down. “Is he gone?” Shiro questioned. Matt walked over to the door and looked through the peephole.  
“I don’t see him, wait a second. Oh, no, he has Keith’s key!” Matt scrambled back to the couch and hid behind Shiro.  
“Why are you hiding? He’s mad at me!” Shiro said. The door swung open. Lance stormed in, the door slamming against the wall with a thud.  
“¡No puedo creer que le hiciste daño a mi maldito novio! ¡La próxima vez, manténgalo en sus pantalones y fuera de su apartamento! ¡Vete al infierno!” Lance ranted.  
“Did you understand that?” Matt asked from behind me.  
“Not a word.” Shiro replied.  
Lance marched up to Shiro. “It means,” he snarled, “that I will kill you if this ever happens again, you hear me?” He glared at Shiro, venom in his eyes.  
“I hear you loud and clear, so let’s all calm down.” Shiro said, voice still calm despite being threatened. “It was never my intention to hurt him. Why on Earth would I want to hurt my brother?”  
“Maybe it’s because he caught us naked in bed.” Matt chimed in.  
“Wow, you are really trying to make me regret last night, aren’t you?” Shiro sighed. Matt rested his head on Shiro’s shoulder and smiled. “You won’t be smiling for long if I revoke your boyfriend benefits.”  
Matt tumbled backward onto the couch in shock. “You wouldn’t dare! You love me too much.”  
Before Lance could interject, the door opened again. Pidge walked in, followed by Hunk. Hunk had a squirming Keith over his shoulder, wrapped in a blue blanket.  
Lance glanced at Hunk. “What the hell’s up with my boyfriend? And is that my blanket?”  
“Keith was burrito wrapped.” Hunk replied. Hunk set the Keith burrito on the couch between Shiro and Matt.  
“I could have been out of this ten minutes ago if I wanted. I happen to have a knife in here. Unfortunately this happens to be Lance’s favorite blanket. Lance is upset enough already without his favorite blanket getting torn to shreds.” Keith admitted. Lance then picked Keith up in the the burrito blanket and cradled him in his arms.  
“Now it’s my turn to cradle you in my arms.” Lance said. Keith grumbled and leaned into Lance. Matt laughed and leaned on Shiro.  
“See! Everyone's happy and you guys can leave poor Shiro alone now.” Everyone simultaneously turned and stared at Matt.  
“Babe, not helpful in the slightest.” Shiro said as Matt’s grin slipped off of his face.  
“The only reason all this happened is because of you.” Lance sniped. Pidge and Hunk nodded in agreement. Matt sunk into the floor.  
“Well I fucked up, didn’t I?” Matt sighed. Pidge nodded.  
“Yep, you really did, bro.” She said, perching on the arm of the couch. Matt pulled her off. She landed on Matt’s lap.  
Hunk pulled out his phone and snapped a photo.  
“HUNK!”


	4. What did you do this time?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo!  
> Matt is posting this  
> Because Chloe hasn’t posted

Chatroom- Hey, Motherfuckers!  
Memelord: So...  
Memelord: Apparently someone hacked the FBI  
Memelord: And there is only one person I know of that can hack better than me   
Littlepaininmyass: I’m insulted  
Littlepaininmyass: I know several people who are better at hacking than you  
Littlepaininmyass: and they're all insignificant compared to me  
Memelord: Stop stalling by insulting my hacking skills  
Matt's Bitch: Ok, how do I change my name  
Memelord: Babe! Why?  
Matt’s Bitch: Cause you’re my bitch  
Littlepaininmyass: stalling? Who’s stalling? Not me   
Littlepaininmyass left the group chat  
Memelord added Littlepaininmyass to the group chat  
Memelord: as you are fond of saying “no escape”  
Memelord: Did you hack the FBI, Pidge?  
Matt's Bitch: Why are the others not joining in? This is way too weird to just ignore.  
MCRdropout: wait this is real   
Biyonce: hunk’s out with Shay  
Biyonce: and im TRYING to watch tv  
Matt’s Bitch: Yes, this is real.  
Memelord: Pidge, answer  
Memelord: Now  
Littlepaininmyass: I have the right to remain silent   
Memelord: Fuck you, Fifth Amendment  
MCRdropout: The Fifth Amendment is a very useful amendment to the constitution and has prevented unlawful arrests  
Matt’s Bitch: How do you know that?  
MCRdropout: uhh  
Biyonce: he got pulled over and got a speeding ticket   
Matt’s Bitch: oh thank god I thought he murdered someone  
Memelord: Can we get back to the matter at hand?  
Littlepaininmyass: nope  
Littlepaininmyass: lets talk more about Keith  
Littlepaininmyass: so keith what’s your hometown?  
MCRdropout: i didnt have one  
Littlepaininmyass: nevermind back to the actuAl topic  
Memelord: Perfect now why did you hack the FBI?  
Matt’s Bitch: I thought I raised you better than that  
Littlepaininmyass: because i wanted to  
Memelord: that is not an answer   
Littlepaininmyass: yes it is   
Memelord: That answer would not hold up in court and it will not hold up here, Katie  
Matt’s Bitch: I swear I can see smoke coming out of his ears   
Matt’s Bitch: You might want to take that into account   
Littlepaininmyass: i wanted to and i got paid 20,000 dollars for it?  
Memelord: ARE YOU SERIOUS??!?!?  
Litttlepaininmyass: uhh  
MCRdropout: damn pidge you ded  
Matt’s Bitch: I now call the official “Pidge stop hacking classified U.S. databases and shit” intervention to order  
Littlepaininmyass: Ok   
Littlepaininmyass: im defense and matteo is the prosecution  
Memelord: That’s not my name, Pidge and you know it  
Matt’s Bitch: I now call Matthew Thomas Holt to the stand  
Memelord: Shiro! I told you that in confidence!  
Littlepaininmyass: matthew thomas holt dont talk like that to your owner  
Littlepaininmyass changed Memelord’s name to Shiro’s Bitch  
Littlepaininmyass locked Shiro’s Bitch’s name as Shiro’s Bitch  
Shiro's Bitch: Did you seriously just hack me?  
Matt's Bitch: Can you fix my name while you're at it?  
Littlepaininmyass: sure   
Littlepaininmyass changed Matt’s Bitch’s name to Daddy  
Littlepaininmyass locked Daddy’s name as Daddy  
Littlepaininmyass: boom  
Daddy: This is worse.  
Shiro’s Bitch: That’s what you get for trusting Pidge  
Littlepaininmyass: mwahahaha  
MCRdropout: can i change my name?  
Littlepaininmyass changed MCRdropout’s name to Keef  
Keef: not what i meant but ok  
Shiro’s Bitch: Pidge you need to stop hacking secure government facilities   
Daddy: You could get arrested and the rest of us could get arrested as accomplices   
Littlepaininmyass: they think that the hacker lives in la   
Littlepaininmyass: and do you really think i would let that happen? I managed to freaking make you all millionaires . Srsly does no one look at their bank account?  
Keef: i do  
Littlepaininmyass: thank you   
Littlepaininmyass: srsly no one noticed i deposited over a million dollars in you guy’s account?   
Daddy: I did but I thought it was just a glitch   
Daddy: I raised Keith well  
Daddy: I screwed up somewhere with you   
Shiro's Bitch: You are going to return any money that you stole  
Littlepaininmyass: i stole none of it   
Littlepaininmyass: i was hired to do it   
Littlepaininmyass: so technically i earned it legally   
Shiro’s Bitch: If you took any money from a bank account and put it in another account   
Shiro's Bitch: Put it back  
Daddy: We are fine without stolen money in our bank accounts   
Daddy: The guilt and worry isn't worth it  
Daddy: And the possible legal repercussions   
Littlepaininmyass: never did it so we're fine   
Littlepaininmyass: well i mean i moved money from my account to your guys’  
Littlepaininmyass: does that count?  
Shiro's Bitch: Just put the damn money back Pidge!  
Daddy: Uh, he just went into Keith's room  
Littlepaininmyass: oh shit. Lance im going to your apartment   
Biyonce: Don’t get me into this!  
Biyonce: NVM, she’s already here *_*  
Littlepaininmyass: I TOLD YOU I DIDN’T STEAL ANYTHING  
Keef: Matt if you hurt my babies you will die slowly and painfully now get the fuck back here with that knife   
Biyonce: Keith the knives aren’t alive   
Daddy: Matt just ran out of the apartment and he looked pissed  
Littlepaininmyass: do you think a cabinet and a locked door are enough to stop homicide  
Shiro's Bitch: Technically that would be fratricide  
Shiro’s Bitch: Now get rid of that money before I kick in this door and make you  
Daddy: Matt you're going to get us in more trouble than Pidge has  
Littlepaininmyass: I STOLE NOTHING NOW GO BACK TO SHIRO’S APARTMENT AND STOP MURDERING   
Daddy: What was that thud?  
Shiro's Bitch: Wow that was a weak door  
Daddy: Is it wrong that I’m proud of you right now?  
Shiro's Bitch: Don't be proud yet  
Shiro's Bitch: Why is a cabinet the only thing preventing me from committing fratricide?  
Biyonce: Shit the cabinet’s moving  
Shiro's Bitch: Not so scrawny now huh  
Littlepaininmyass: OH MY FUCKING GOD  
Shiro's Bitch: Now come out come out wherever ycfh  
Daddy: Matt?  
Littlepaininmyass: shit shit shit shit  
Daddy: Matt!  
Keef: MY KNIFE!!!!


	5. What the fuck just happened?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoi  
> We’re posting to update tags

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never again shall i let my older brother mess with my head phones   
> He broke them

Shiro threw his phone down the couch and stood up. As Keith stuck his head out of his room, Shiro was out the door. The one flight of stairs between him and Matt felt like a million. When he approached the fourth floor landing, he slowed his pace. Lance’s door was ajar, the wood around the lock was splintered and broken. He slowly pushed the door open.   
Pidge was standing frozen, a frying pan and the knife on the ground by her feet. Lance was bending over Matt’s crumpled form. Shiro didn't hesitate, he threw himself at Lance. Lance went down with a yelp, his body pinned to the ground by Shiro's.  
“What the fuck did you do to my boyfriend, you bitch?” Shiro snarled. Lance squirmed, trying to get free.  
“I didn't do anything! That was Pidge.” He tried to push Shiro off to no avail. “She hit Matt with Hunk’s frying pan when he broke in.” He stopped struggling and let out a carefree grin. “Frying pans, who knew right?”   
“Now is not the time for Tangled references, Lance.” Shiro warned, his voice deadly serious.  
Keith burst in, holding a knife. He looked around for two seconds before he saw Shiro pinning Lance to the floor. “Shiro, get the fuck off my boyfriend.” Shiro looked up at Keith and down at Lance.  
“Oh, right” Shiro let Lance go and they both stood up. Keith picked up his other knife and slid them both in his belt. Shiro knelt beside Matt and checked his pulse. Pidge had backed away and Lance had moved to Keith's side. Shiro felt a weak, but steady pulse and let out a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding.  
“He has a steady pulse and he’s breathing. Let's just be glad that Hunk buys fancy and lightweight cookware. And that Pidge takes after her brother in muscle mass.” Shiro shifted Matt into his arms and glared at Pidge.   
Pidge didn’t say anything, but guiltily looked down at the floor. The broken door swung open and everyone looked to see who had come in. Hunk stood shocked in the doorway, keys hanging loosely from his hand.   
“Hunk? What is it? What’s going on?” Shay looked over her boyfriend’s shoulder and took in the scene. Matt was unconscious in Shiro’s arms and Pidge was as far away from him as she could get. Lance had picked up the frying pan and Keith was trying to wrestle it away from him.  
“Do I even want to know?” Hunk questioned. Lance glanced around at the subdued chaos.  
“No?” He said weakly. Keith took advantage of his distraction to steal the frying pan from his boyfriend. Hunk noticed the frying pan and his eyes flashed with realization.  
“For some reason Matt got pissed at either Lance or Pidge. They locked themselves in my apartment and Matt kicked the door down. One of you panicked and went all Rapunzel on his ass. Shiro found out and Keith followed the drama. Does that sound about right?” Hunk summarized. Shiro grinned and cast a glance at Pidge.  
“Pretty much. It was mostly Pidge’s fault. She hacked the FBI and wouldn’t get rid of the money that she had put in our accounts.” Shiro stood, cradling Matt in his arms. “I’ll pay for the door, don’t worry. I’d better take Matt to get his head checked out first.” Shiro started towards the door and paused. “Just check the group chat. That should explain things.” He added as an afterthought. He left the apartment with Matt.  
Hunk let out a huff. “Now seems like a good time to get out of my apartment, guys.” Pidge ran out of the room as soon as he finished speaking. Lance followed her dejectedly.  
“Lance, you live here.” Keith pointed out. He froze with his hand on the doorknob.  
“Oh. Right.” Keith rolled his eyes at his idiot boyfriend. He handed the frying pan to Shay.  
“Fuck this. Come on.” Keith grabbed Lance’s hand and lead him out of the apartment. Hunk shut the door behind them. He turned to Shay and shrugged.  
“Let’s check out the group chat. Hopefully this will make some sense soon.” Hunk pulled out his phone and read through the messages. It made even less sense after reading them.


	6. He’s not dead, right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We chat in valhalla tonight  
> Also updates will slow because of NaNoWriMo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt posted for me because hes awesome  
> He also doesnt know about shatt and i plan not to tell hin

Chatroom: Hey, Motherfuckers!  
Gordon Ramsay: I can’t leave for two hours without you guys destroying the world, can I?  
Biyonce: No, no you can not  
Littlepaininmyass: How’s Matt?  
Daddy: He woke up when we got in the car. I’m still taking him in though.  
Keef: Are you texting while driving, Shiro?  
Daddy: It’s voice text  
Littlepaininmyass: Someone alert the media, Shiro is bending a rule!  
Daddy: That’s the last thing that we want right now, Pidge.  
Daddy: Since you have recently broken the law  
Littlepaininmyass: Oh, right  
Daddy: So who let Pidge watch Tangled  
Gordon Ramsay: That would be Lance  
Biyonce: What can I say? Punzie’s my girl  
Biyonce: Also I happen to like bad boys  
Daddy: All in favor of banning Pidge from watching Tangled, say aye  
Gordon Ramsay: Aye  
Biyonce: Aye  
Keef: Aye  
Daddy: The tribe has spoken  
Littlepaininmyass: You guys suck  
Keef: Dick  
Biyonce: Amen  
Shiro’s Bitch: What’s up, guys?  
Gordon Ramsay: You kicked down my door  
Keef: And stole my children  
Littlepaininmyass: And I hit you with a frying pan  
Shiro’s Bitch: Weird, I swore that was a dream  
Daddy: Matt, you could have a concussion so put your phone down right now  
Shiro’s Bitch: Fine  
Littlepaininmyass: Yay, Matt’s not dead  
Biyonce: And Keith’s apartment is empty ;)  
Keef: No it's not  
Keef: We’re in it  
Biyonce: Babe I love you but you are so fucking clueless sometimes  
Keef: ???  
Littlepaininmyass: He wants to make out with you, ya idiot  
Daddy: No shit, Sherlock  
Keef: Fuck you, Watson  
Biyonce: Put your phone down right now and get over here right now, smartass  
Keef: Ok  
Daddy: Be safe, kids  
Gordon Ramsay: And that’s my cue to leave before it gets weird again  
Littlepaininmyass: What do you mean again?  
Daddy: It’s always been weird  
Littlepaininmyass: And it’s only us  
Daddy: Well I’d better go  
Daddy: Time to make sure that you didn’t permanently injure my boyfriend  
Littlepaininmyass: Don’t worry about it  
Littlepaininmyass: He’s such a hard head  
Daddy: What do I have to do to make you like him?  
Littlepaininmyass: Kill him  
Daddy: That is not an option  
Littlepaininmyass: Fine


	7. I hate rodents!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's Zoe posting a chapter this time. The organization behind this fic is a mess, so I apologize for the uneven updating schedule.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith hates mice, nuff said.

Chatroom: Hey, Motherfuckers!  
NaziNinja: Fuck, a mouse just fucking ran across the room  
Lilprick: Let us watch our X-Files in peace  
Lilprick: Matt, all the blame falls on you  
Lilprick renamed Memelord to Mouselord  
Mouselord: You live there too!  
Daddy: Pidge doesn’t leave crumbs everywhere she goes  
Mouselord: I do not  
Lilprick: Yes you do, don’t even try to deny it  
NaziNinja: There is a fucking mouse in your house  
NaziNinja: Shiro be dad and take care of it  
Lilprick: Shiro and Matt are at work  
Lilprick: Like mature adults  
NaziNinja: I’m a mature adult  
Lilprick: You’re standing on the coffee table  
Lilprick: Waving a knife around and screaming like a little girl  
NaziNinja: This is how mature adults act  
Daddy: Sorry, Keith, Matt and I have tests to proctor  
Daddy: You need to find someone else to solve your little problem  
NaziNinja: It is not a little problem  
NaziNinja: It’s at least fifteen feet long  
Lilprick: It’s about two inches long  
Lilprick: Like something else I know  
Razzle-dazzle: Pidge leave my boyfriend alone  
NaziNinja: Lance get over here and get this mouse right now  
Razzle-dazzle: I’m at work, babe  
NaziNinja: Screw work get your ass over here right now and get rid of it  
Razzle-dazzle: You are so lucky I haven’t taken my lunch break yet  
NaziNinja: Whatever just get here now  
Razzle-dazzle: Hunk said and I quote “Just don’t break my door this time”  
Razzle-dazzle: He had the right idea to turn his phone off  
NaziNinja: If you aren’t here in 15 minutes you are going to regret it  
Razzle-dazzle: What are you going to do, mouse boy?  
NaziNinja: Throw out your face cream and straightener  
Razzle-dazzle: Holy shit  
Razzle-dazzle: Keith, babe, sugar, light of my life, reason I walk this earth  
Razzle-dazzle: You wouldn’t  
NaziNinja: 13 minutes, 28 seconds  
Razzle-dazzle: If I get in a car crash, it is all your fault  
Lilprick: This is so gay  
Mouselord: This is so much more interesting than watching high kids trying and failing to pretend that they’re not high  
Daddy: Matt focus  
Mouselord: Sorry babe  
Lilprick: Wow Keith you are really quite hilarious when you’re scared  
NaziNinja: Shut up  
Lilprick: I think I saw it go under the table  
NaziNinja: WHAT!  
Lilprick: Get off me!  
NaziNinja: fuck fuck fuck fuckkkk  
NaziNinja: Don’t scare the guy with the knife, Pidge!  
Lilprick: How are you so heavy? You look as scrawny as Matt  
Mouselord: Hey!  
Daddy: Matt, if you don’t put your phone down and actually do your job, I am going to come and take it  
Mouselord: But this is much more entertaining than watching kids take a biochemistry test  
Daddy: Do you think astrophysics is any better?  
Daddy: Seriously Matt, phone down  
Mouselord: Fine  
Lilprick: This is even more gay  
Razzle-dazzle: Your knight in shining armor has arrived  
Razzle-dazzle: How on Earth did you get up there, Keith?  
Razzle-dazzle sent a picture  
Daddy: WTF Keith  
Lilprick: I swear he’s part cat  
Lilprick: Didn’t you just tell Matt to stop texting, Shiro?  
Daddy: Oh, I never pay attention during these tests  
Daddy: Please don’t tell Matt that I’m here  
Lilprick: Fine  
Lilprick: Only because I like you better than Matt  
NaziNinja: Still on top of a cupboard guys  
Razzle-dazzle: My damsel in distress  
NaziNinja: Fuck you  
Razzle-dazzle: Not in front of the child  
Lilprick: I’m not a child  
Daddy: You’re 17  
Lilprick: And I’m emancipated  
NaziNinja: There is still a fucking mouse to deal with  
Razzle-dazzle: Just give me a sec  
Razzle-dazzle: Got him  
Razzle-dazzle sent a picture  
Daddy: That’s actually really cute  
Razzle-dazzle: I’m gonna keep him  
NaziNinja: There is no way you are keeping that disease-ridden thing  
Razzle-dazzle: You aren’t my roommate  
Razzle-dazzle: Your vote does not count  
NaziNinja: Well I’m never going to come over again   
Razzle-dazzle: I’ll just bring him over to your place for playdates  
Razzle-dazzle: That cool with you, Shiro?  
Daddy: Fine by me  
Daddy: What are you going to call him?  
Razzle-dazzle: Keith Jr.  
NaziNinja: Did you just seriously name a mouse after me?  
Razzle-dazzle: I feel like a father  
Daddy: Does that make me the uncle?  
Razzle-dazzle: As long as Keith doesn’t dump me for adopting this mouse  
Lilprick: HAHAHAHAHAHA  
NaziNinja: The mouse just peed on Lance  
NaziNinja: Serves him right  
Razzle-dazzle: KEITH JR. is a perfect sunbeam who can’t do anything wrong  
Razzle-dazzle: Keith on the other hand  
Daddy: Didn’t just get peed on by a mouse  
Lilprick: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
Lilprick: How lame do you have to be to be roasted by Shiro?  
Daddy: Hey, I’m very cool   
Lilprick: Right  
Lilprick: That was sarcasm in case you couldn’t tell  
Razzle-dazzle: Hey Pidge can you watch Keith Jr. for me today  
Razzle-dazzle: I kinda have to go back to work  
Lilprick: Do I have permission to use him to scare Keith?  
Razzle-dazzle: Sure, just don’t kill either of them  
NaziNinja: What!  
Lilprick: I won’t kill Keith jr, but no promises about keith  
NaziNinja: Oh fuck  
Razzle-dazzle: Shiro, can you and Matt pick up a cage?  
Daddy: Sure  
Razzle-dazzle: Best friends ever  
Mouselord: SHIRO, HOW DARE YOU!!!  
Mouselord: I trusted you  
Mouselord: Your such a hypocrite  
Daddy: You’re*  
Mouselord: SHIRO  
Youowemeadoor: Lance get back to work right now  
Youowemeadoor: And yes we can keep Keith Jr.  
Razzle-dazzle: Haha suck it Keith  
NaziNinja: Why do I hang out with you people?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the fluff because the next chapter almost pure angst. You're welcome.


	8. Hey, Allen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So.......  
> Lotor sucks bros

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is it the one time i have an original idea for fanfic that my friends have no part in, it sucks and it is in a fandom none of them like (overwatch) and its basically smut...  
> This is why it’s a shared account.

Drunks suck. The thought was clear in Keith’s mind as he cleaned up a spill. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his job. His boss was nice and his co-workers were tolerable. The main problem with being a bartender had to be the flirting. People would come in, get drunk, and find the nearest attractive thing to hit on. Unfortunately, that would usually be either Keith or Nyma, his co-worker.  
I should get a ring, he thought as he brought a man his drink. The man leaned on the bar and grinned seductively. Keith simply walked away. A ring probably wouldn’t solve anything, he reasoned. When you’re drunk, you don’t think about little details like that.  
“Hey, Allan, I’ll be back in five.” Nyma gestured to the back, her phone in her hand. Keith nodded and turned his attention back to the bar. It was still pretty quiet, most of the big crowds rolled in around midnight. A couple of guys were sitting at the bar and there was a group of college-age girls in the corner booth. He leaned against the back counter and enjoyed the relative quiet. It didn’t last long.   
By midnight, the bar was full to capacity. Nyma had ended up taking a half hour break, and had returned just in time to help Keith fight off the waves of customers. Focused on taking orders and ignoring flirtations, he barely noticed a new face come up to the bar.  
A whistle sounded from behind him. Keith didn’t bother to turn to look at the new guy. Ignoring seemed a little too weak of a tactic though. Without missing a beat, he fired back. “I think you might want to fuck off before my boyfriend finds out.” He could practically hear the wheels turning in the guy’s head. He turned around to see the man’s reaction and fuck.  
“Fine,” Lance said, turning to leave. Keith grabbed his wrist.  
“Wait, babe, I didn’t know it was you! I’m so sorry!” Keith sputtered as he dragged Lance back to the seat he had been at. He sat and let out a grin.  
“It’s all cool, babe. It was my fault for not waiting until you saw me.” Keith passed Lance his regular drink. Lance reached for his wallet.  
“Chill, I got you covered.” Keith moved back down the bar and fell back into the repetitive movements that came with his job. He was busy and didn’t have much time to spend with his boyfriend. He didn’t keep track of how much Lance was drinking. He didn't keep track of Lance. He probably should have. At 1 a.m., he took his break. Keith looked at where Lance was sitting and saw a surprisingly different face.  
“Matt?” The older Holt raised his glass, clearly not his first.  
“Hey, Allan,” he slurred, trying to drink from his empty glass. Keith carefully removed it from his hand.  
“I didn’t expect to see you. I thought you and Shiro were staying in tonight.” He let out a happy, drunken grin.  
“He fell asleep. No fun staying in by yourself, am I right?” Keith rolled his eyes. Great, now he had two drunken idiots to deal with. He looked around the room, but didn't see Lance.  
“Did you happen to see Lance anywhere?” Keith asked. Matt nodded.  
“I saw him on his way out. He was with some chick.” Keith's blood ran cold.  
“How long ago was that? Keith asked frantically.  
“Not too long. Couple of minutes maybe.” Keith didn't need to hear more. His mind was already racing with worst-case scenarios. Keith tensed, ready to spring.  
“Duck.”   
“What? Where?” Matt asked, looking around. The only thing he saw was Keith leaping over the bar. Then Keith’s foot caught him in the face. Matt toppled backwards off his stool. He hit the ground as Keith flung open the door.  
Keith heard the thud from behind him, but he didn't stop. Lance was his only priority right now. He scanned the street. It was deserted, the only light coming from a single street lamp. He heard a loud, distinctive laugh from his right. Lance.  
He ran down the sidewalk and rounded the corner. Lance was hanging off of some chick’s arm, laughing drunkenly. Keith ran to him.  
“Hey!” The girl turned around and that is not a girl. His, definitely dyed, silvery blonde hair tumbled over his shoulders. Lance didn't seem to recognize Keith.  
“Yes, can I help you?” the man asked, his tone surprised and dangerous.   
“That’s my boyfriend,” Keith said, cutting right to the chase.  
“Then why'd he come with me?”   
“Because he’s shit-faced” Keith snapped, his patience wearing thin. Just then, Nyma came tearing around the corner.  
“Allan, what the fuck was that about?” She noticed Lance hanging on the man’s arm. “And isn’t that your boyfriend?”  
“Allan, is it?” The man purred. Even the alias sounded sour on his tongue. “I have a proposal for you. I will take my prize and go. You and your little friend there go back to that little hole in the wall and forget that you ever saw me.” Keith stiffened.  
“And if I don’t?” Keith asked cautiously.  
“Oh, I think that you might be inclined to agree.” He said, letting out a piercing whistle. Nyma let out a gasp. Four hooded women slunk out of the shadows and surrounded them.  
“Do you think this scares us?” Keith threatened. Nyma slunk backward.  
“Actually, it scares me. Sorry, Allan. You’re on your own.” She turned and ran down the street, the women letting her pass. The women closed their circle, making escape impossible. The man smirked.  
“Looks like you're going to do this the hard way,” he said, standing back, Lance still beside him. “Go.”  
“Yes, boss!” One of the women charged Keith, her hood slipping back to reveal a long, multi-colored ponytail. Keith dropped low and swept her feet out from under her. She hit the ground as Keith heard the familiar buzz of a taser flickering to life behind him. A woman with dark glasses ran straight towards him. He sidestepped and she tasered her ally instead of him. He hit her in the face, her glasses breaking from the impact. She dropped and Keith felt someone grab his arm.  
“I suggest you yield before I have to break this.” She twisted his arm up behind him, and he let out a cry. He grabbed his favorite child with his free hand. He swung the knife blindly, and was pleased to hear the gasp of pain that meant that it had hit its mark.  
Her grip on his arm loosened and he pulled his arm free. Blood was dripping from a cut in her leg. Keith socked her in the gut and she collapsed like the others. A slow clap drew his attention back to Lance’s captor.  
“Bravo. Very well done.” He shook Lance off of his arm and got into a fighting stance. “Now, this is the part where it gets interesting.” He moved fast, striking the butt of Keith’s knife with his heel. The knife went flying out of Keith's hand and clattered to the ground. He started a series of jabs and blows, Keith barely intercepting each one.   
“Fast, but not fast enough.” He kicked Keith in the side, sending him crashing into a wall. Keith felt the breath leave his lungs and a trickle of blood dripped down his arm. The man strode up to where Keith had fallen, a cocky grin visible even in the dark.  
“Fuck you,” Keith wheezed, barely getting in enough air to breath, let alone speak. Keith could feel the man’s gaze move across him.  
“I might just take you up on that offer.” He bent over and touched Keith’s hair. Keith stiffened and pulled away at his touch. “I always did have a thing for raven hair.” He grabbed Keith’s hands, holding him back as he struggled to pull away. He lifted Keith’s chin and kissed him. Keith’s eyes widened in fear and disgust.  
Suddenly, the silent street was filled with sirens. Two cop cars and an ambulance raced down the street, screeching to a halt by the curb. The headlights lit up the scene as the man pulled away from Keith.  
“Nobody move!” Two cops got out of each car. A couple of cops checked on the man’s “friends” while one went over to Lance. The final cop approached the man and Keith carefully. Keith looked up at her with dull eyes.  
“Would you mind coming with me, sir? We just have a few questions for you.” She addressed the man. He reached inside his coat and pulled out a gun.  
“Yes, I do mind. Now, all you need to do is back away and nothing bad will happen.” Another officer hit him with a taser from behind. He convulsed and collapsed on the ground. Her partner picked up the fallen man and carried him to one of the police cars. The female officer came over and offered her hand to Keith.  
“Are you ok?” Keith took her hand and stood up.  
“Yes. I’m fine.” She eyed the blood on his arm and started to lead him to the ambulance.  
“Let’s get that arm checked out anyways. What’s your name?” He sat inside the ambulance and let the paramedic examine his arm.  
“I’m Keith Kogane.” She nodded and wrote it down.  
“Would you mind telling me what happened?” He nodded and gave her a brief summary of what had happened, occasionally wincing at pain from his arm.  
“So you have no idea who that man or his associates were?” He shook his head.  
“Matt just told me that Lance had wandered off with him.”  
“So, Lance is your boyfriend, correct?” Keith nodded in agreement. “And who is Matt?”   
“He’s my brother’s boyfriend. I left him back at the bar when I went after Lance.” Keith winced again, this time in shame. “I may have jumped over the bar and accidentally hit him in the face.” The officer’s face lit up with a glimmer of a smile, but she quickly regained her professional appearance.  
“Do you want someone to go get him?” Keith nodded.  
“That’s probably a good idea. I can call my brother to come pick us all up.” She called out to an officer to go get Matt from the bar.  
“Just one more question for now.” Keith visibly relaxed at the idea of getting to go home.  
“Shoot.”  
“How old are you?” Shit. Keith let out a sigh.  
“I’m 20.” He admitted. The officer raised an eyebrow.  
“So how did you get a job bartending?” Another deep sigh.  
“I’ve got a fake ID.” He pulled it out and showed it to her, along with his real one. “I don’t drink, it’s just that it was the only place within driving distance of my apartment that had an open night shift.”  
“Let me guess. The others are definitely of age..” Her voice was disappointed and dripping with sarcasm.`  
“Lance is 20, but Matt is 25.” She let out a sigh.  
“You know what? It’s late, so just give me the contact information for you and your friends and we can figure that out tomorrow.” Keith nodded and gave her their numbers. The officer handed back Keith’s real ID and let him go. The officer had brought Matt over, and both Matt and Lance were standing by one of the police cars. Keith rushed and hugged his boyfriend, Lance clumsily returning the gesture.  
“You are so getting a lecture about this tomorrow when you can actually remember it.” Keith whispered in his ear. The police cars drove away, Keith’s attackers in back. The ambulance followed the police cars as the boys headed back to the bar. Keith ducked inside to grab his jacket and keys, and then they sat on the curb near Keith’s bike. Keith pulled out his phone and called Shiro.  
“Hello?” Shiro’s voice was sleepy and quiet, barely audible through the phone’s cheap speaker.  
“Hey, Shiro. Can you come get us?”  
“Why? What’s wrong? Are you ok? Is Matt there?” His voice was stronger now as he woke up and realized that he was alone.  
“We can’t all fit on the bike. I’ll tell you when you get here. We’re fine. Yes, Matt is with us,” Keith said, numbering off the answers on his fingers as he said them. Keith heard a mumble about Matt being a little traitor and other shuffling noises.  
“Ok, I’ll be there in 15. You’re at the bar, right?”  
“Yes, we’re at the bar. See you soon.”  
“See you soon.” Keith let his phone drop from his ear as soon as Shiro hung up. He was going to be so pissed. Fifteen minutes later, his fears were confirmed. Shiro’s car rolled into the parking lot and he jumped out. He walked over to where Keith and the others were sitting.  
“Get in the car. Now.” His tone was icy and serious. Keith got in the passenger seat and Lance and Matt scrambled into the back. Shiro got back in the front seat and drove off. Keith squirmed uncomfortably at the silence in the car. He turned to talk to Shiro and.   
“Don’t. We’ll talk about it tomorrow. The only thing you need to do is get your drunk boyfriend up into the apartment.” They pulled into the parking lot of the apartment building. Five surprisingly difficult flights of stairs later, they were at Keith’s apartment. Once they were inside, Shiro and Keith took their boyfriends into their respective bedrooms. Lance was out like a light as soon as he hit the pillow. Keith let out a sigh and curled up next to Lance. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.


End file.
